The 3 days after our "break", we decided it was pretty stupid.  We already do not have enough time.... and we will definitely taking a LONG break when I leave.  So .... might as well treasure what we have left and enjoy it. 

He finally got a place approved and he will be moving to a new place by the end of this month.  We are both really excited and giddy.    Now I even get to a point where all I focus is how to decorate his new place... and I totally overlook my departure.  There is no fun thinking about my leaving... it will just creates more unnecessary drama.  I'll try not to let the pressure take over me again and waste any more time.

OFF TO IKEA!! (not now.... but soon~)

About a little bit more than a month before departure...

We are pulling a "Ross and Rachel" : 

We are on a break. 

What happened?  He feels I'm pushing him too much while he has done a lot.  I feel he is not doing enough.

How long?  I don't know. 

I feel awful but at the same time, I feel this break will give us some breathing space.  During this time, I really need to learn not to care that much anymore. 

Separation Anxiety... 

I definitely feel the effect of it.  Everytime we go out now, it is all bittersweet.   "Bitter" is because the separation is happening soon yet "Sweet" is we are still together at the moment.  It's a funny feeling... well.... not THAT funny.  It's like a countdown everyday... 3 months to leaving... 2 and half months... 2 months... The feeling is horrible.

My friends said I should be grateful that he is such caring and considerate man.  I am really grateful for that, especially knowing that he always has me in his future plan.  Everything that he is working for is towards the goal of us living together in the future.  He is not the "playing/cheating type".... definitely not.  I'm not in for "just a casual fling" kind of relationship neither.  If both he and I are totally serious about our relationship and we both are working towards of living a life with each other, then I should not have anything to worry about, right?  But the thought of living in separate continents for a couple years is too upsetting.  I've been reading up a lot of long-distance relationship articles a lot.  They do help ease my mind a bit.  I don't want my emotions to ruin the relationship. 

But bottomline, separation is not an easy thing to swallow.  So when u have a friend(s) who is going through a long-distance relationship, please don't tell them "Oh... I'm sorry... LDR never works out..."  because you are not only going to add pressure to ppl's relationship, you might actually affect someone's emotions and lead to their breakup.  Indirectly, you proved your point that it won't work out but at the same time you have costed someone a chance to love and be loved.

As the time getting closer and closer to departure, my emotions are getting worst and worst.  My anxiety is definitely taking a toll on me.  No one likes the thought of separation unless you are very unhappy to be in a relationship.  When everyone starting to tell you, "oh... long distance relationship usually doesn't work...." or "wow.. I feel so sorry for you guys.... long distance relationships hardly work at all...." The more I hear those comments, the lower I feel, even though I've been prep-talking myself to fend these negative comments off.  I used to be optimistic about it but surrounded by the vibe that "LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WON'T WORK!" definitely won't help me feel any better.  The worse I feel, the more anxious and depressed I get... which in turns create more arguments.  Definitely doesn't help.  I had to seek help from online articles on how to work a long distance relationship.  Separating between province is already hard.... but if you are in my case, separate 8000km+ away from each other, it's unbelievably more difficult.

" As long as you are both interested in being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not make a difference. As soon as one of you decides the other is not a good match - or someone else is a better match - your relationship ends, whether you live 3000 miles apart, two streets over, or share the same bed with your wedding picture on the wall. You are going to have to trust each other completely if this relationship is going to work. "

 That's one of the more inspirational exerpts I came across.  That's true cuz everything is down to the fact that, "ARE YOU WILLING TO KEEP IT?" or simply put, "DO YOU REALLY WANT IT?"  If you are not, no matter the proximity between 2 people, it will not work if you don't have any motivation and determination to make it work.  Sure, long distance relationship means no frequent physical contacts and everything will rely on phone, internet, or even snail mail...  but being with each other 24/7 doesn't guarantee the relationship will always work, right?  Maybe absence will make the heart grow fonder?  I sure as hell it will!

You think this ultimate 8000+km long distance relationship doesn't work?  WE WILL SHOW YOU!!

After days of that unpleasant resignation, I got ANOTHER email from the company's manager to bitch argue some more.  (Honestly, what's the point anyways??  So that they can get the last laugh?! )  I always thought she is the nice one and the only one who I feel sorry for leaving.  Now... whatever... they are all the same.  Can't blame her, she is part of the company.  Again, she argued that I  should have confronted them about the issue.  Well, in my mind, if I DID confront it with you guys, would I even have the chance to continue with the internship?  They would see me as a whiny and picky intern.  I doubt they would see me as a valuable worker there anyways.  Either way, I'll end up not having a pleasant working environment if I stay.  She said she will advise other future companies not to hire me because of my "lack of business etiquette".  I admit that I did cross that line when I gave 3 day-notice instead of 2-week notice.  However, after consulted with my teacher, 2-week notice is only for paid position and internship can be terminated immediately or after a day's work.  I must also look after my own benefits when I am not covered by anything since I'm nothing but an unpaid intern.  I'm there to LEARN, not being a robot and accept responsibilities on tasks that are not relevant to my learning experience.  She argued that the designer had sent me to places that allowed me to connect with the industry.  Yeah.... how much "connections" can I get when I get to that place, I pick up the stuff and go back .... how much connection can I get within that few minutes?  Hmmm...  People in factories and offices don't have time to socialize with you especially u are just an intern... and also on a "pick-up" mission.  (I've worked at my other internship for about 6 months now and the only "connection" that I get, so far, is the fact the manufacturer recognizes my face and let me go pick up the piles of clothing for my designer boss.  They don't have time to chat with you.)  Other than that, shipping me off to Staples for 3 different times a day to pick up office supplies.... I want to know how does THAT kind of connection works?!

You can argue that this is what intern should be doing.  I would totally agree IF this is my first internship.  I had previous work and internship experience and I think this is totally crossed my line.... and also in the advices that I got from other people (i.e. fellow grads, teachers, previous employers).  How dare they said I should not have consulted with others .... they cannot control who I can ask work advices to!  They said I had missed out on a valuable experience in a  "vast growing and reputable local design company".  Yeah... I TOTALLY regretted for not having that 

Maybe the manager is right after all, this IS a real valuable experience for me.  I will definitely learn from this and advise any fashion interns to watch out!!